On the Bottom Half

Scientific Traveller Research

After in depth observation, I have come to several significant findings regarding the sub-species of human known as Homo sapiens travellerensis. My readership aside, I have found that the intellectual development of several specimens of this species is considerably stunted. As an example: there are signs written in plain and simple english which are placed in myriad places throughout the kitchen asking travellers, kindly might I add, to 'please wash, dry, and PUT AWAY all your dishes.' Now, since by mid-day in every hostel I've visited there is invariably a pile of either unwashed or unreturned dishes, I can only conclude that in general, travellers are either illiterate or stupid.

When it comes to proper nutrition, many specimens, although a decidedly smaller proportion, are wont to complain about the cost of food, but are more than willing to pay for and consume three pitchers of beer a night for consecutive nights.

Another finding concerns the ability of H. travellerensis to find particular objects when desired. Take a room key, for example, this usually requires simply checking pockets or other such places for them, but when the entire contents of one's bag are strewn in a moat completely encircling one's bed, everything becomes much more difficult to find. Therefore, I ask these specimens not to endanger my personal property by requiring me to leave the door unlocked all day so that upon return, you can enter unimpeded.

More to follow in this multi part report.

posted by Kyle @ 23:25